My High-Tech Mouth and Sean Connery

How am I adjusting to wearing braces? It's uncomfortable, yes. I often grimace just to get my lips off my teeth. It's quite possibly driving my husband nuts. Every time he turns around, I'm doing this:

I am also tired of eating soup and yogurt. But when I eat food that requires chewing, I can feel remnants of food clinging to the back of my teeth. Yuck. I've calculated that I have brushed my teeth 35 times in the last week. I wonder if there's a high correlation between wearing braces and developing OCD?

Fortunately I have super high-tech braces that only require 40% of the treatment time of traditional braces. I'm supposedly going to be out of these babies in the next 14 to 18 months.

If you would like to learn about my high-tech braces and the robots responsible for adjusting them, watch this news story from my local television station on my orthodontists' office:

I love how kids keep you honest. This teenager's opinion on his mother's adult braces? "I don't know. She's weird."

*Sigh*

Aside from being a "weird" adult with braces, I also sound like Sean Connery. When I get tired or don't pay attention, I let too much air flow through the braces and I get a strong "Schw" sound with my S's.

Something like this:

Sean Connery on schlapping women? "I think it depends entirely on the cschircumschtanschces. ... Then I think it'sch abscholutely right."

I love how Barbara concludes with, "Sean Connery has been married for 31 years and we have not heard a single complaint" from his wife. Of course we haven't. He'd schlapp her around if she did!

Note to self: If the husband ever meets an untimely end, do not consider Sean Connery as a third husband candidate.

That's all on my first week with braces. If I keep writing I might scare away anyone considering getting braces as an adult. I think it's sort of like childbirth. You really shouldn't talk too much about it at first because you'll only scare other expectant moms. If you talk about it later on, you'll forget how much it actually sucked. Instead you'll talk about what a beautiful experience it was.

Schee ya later, Alligatorsch!