That was before I had even attempted to play it. As some of you may know, I've recently started taking mandolin lessons. Learning a brand new instrument as an adult can be a humbling experience.
It's also rather embarrassing. I feel completely exposed practicing like a feeble-handed kid in front of my husband. Did I mention he was a music major?
I must be a glutton for punishment. Or my husband is. He probably didn't expect me to pick up a squeaky hillbilly instrument when he married me. I'm sure I seemed like a normal, northern, cosmopolitan lady.
I've been practicing this new instrument every day, for an hour a day. I practice until my hand aches. I practice until my fingertips burn. I have hardened callouses and the skin peels off. Sometimes I don't feel like playing but I drag the mandolin case out and my sheets of music.
Some nights, when I look at a new piece of music like Gallopede up there, I think I should just give up. There are too many notes. I'll never figure it out. Just who am a kidding, an adult trying to pick up a bizarre musical instrument when I already have more hobbies, activities, children, jobs, and social life than I need.
All of these voices of doubt play through my head and still I sit and stare at the notes. I don't close the book. I don't give up. I want to make music and feel joy in my heart. Even if I sound like a Suzuki Method player doing it.
The only way that's going to happen is if I just get in there and start plucking. Even if I hit the wrong notes. Even if I'm flat. Even if I have to decipher which three notes to play at once, or how to play a dotted quarter note before a triplet or what have you.
The other night after I Tweeted that moment of defeat: "Too many notes," I sat and I started to play through the piece. As I played, I found the melody and the notes were really much simpler than they looked. And I enjoyed playing it.
It's a reminder to me that just because something looks difficult at first, doesn't mean you can't do it. You just have to take it slow. Play it one note at a time and soon you'll find the melody.
Mando et mando.
Note: I wrote this a year ago when I'd just started the mandolin and never posted it. I'm still playing, but not particularly well. Though I must say, looking at the music for Gallopede now is laughable. It looks so easy and those notes look pretty sparsely scattered across the page.
Love your determination--and your willingness to tackle the mountain an instrument can be. Your mandolin is beautiful...
ReplyDeleteOh, and I needed to hear "one note at a time" today. Thanks.
I want to feel joy in my heart too. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI want you to feel that too.
DeleteYou are (literally) learning to read another language, y'know. Plus you're signing as you read it.
ReplyDeleteNot something our stiff and rigid adult brains do easily.
No, it's not. But I've heard that learning new things helps keep your brain sharp and can prevent the onset of dementia and mental illness, etc. It was either this or crossword puzzles. ;-)
DeleteLast year at 33, I took up Tahitian dancing. I haven't danced since I was 6 in a tutu. I'm the only person in class who hasn't been doing it (or at least hula) their whole lives. Humbling is right. Downright terrifying. But also- really satisfying. It's been a while since I've taken this kind of risk and just jumped in. It's a good feeling to go out of your comfort zone as an adult. Great job, Mandy. The mandolin is a beautiful instrument, very cool.
ReplyDeleteI love that you're Tahitian dancing. I love that you're getting out of your comfort zone too. We basically both rock.
DeleteI feel like this post needs an audio file to go with it. :)
ReplyDeleteWe have this motto in the life coaching course I'm in about how you have to be willing to suck to get good at anything. It was sort of a novel concept to me, but it's so true. If I just keep practicing - even if I suck - eventually my callused fingers will start cranking out something beautiful. At least that's how I hope it works...
Point taken. I just wrote post and included some videos of my favorite mandolinists.
DeleteI feel the same about learning to speak French. I hope one day it will all open up to me and I'll feel the love I once had for the sounds before I learned they were conjugated verbs.
ReplyDeleteMandy ,it sounds so hard, as if you are sacrificing so much,rubbing the fingers to the bone,working so hard,so much and everything must be done a certain way, Oh god forbid you skip a day without practice or you will feel like a failure again. Oh the humanity . And your husband was a music major in college. Wow, so was my sister.
ReplyDeleteJust play it,Just feel it, use your ears, tap the feet and sway your body with the sounds you make . Its feeling the inside of your body vibrate in harmony with certain notes played,be a musician but develop a style , even an act. When you can play a few songs ,go to a train station or boardwalk at the beach and throw a hat on the ground and see what happens. Not the coins thrown but the magic you will feel . That would shift your perception , and that would release the dolphins in your brain... (endorphins ) :) Of course there are other ways to express yourself
Release the dolphins Mandy!
ReplyDeleteI'm talking like a lunatic lol sorry