I'm at the BlogHer conference in Chicago. If you're not familiar with it, BlogHer is the largest blogging conference and it hosts 5,000 bloggers at what has become an annual event for the past nine years. I'm terrible at conferences. I'm a horrible networker. I'm not good at crowds. I have a strong compulsion to hide in my hotel room and eat Peanut M&Ms. In fact, I may be doing that right now.
However, I did wander over to the conference hall this morning to register, to take in the opening remarks and to attend a session or two. While registering, I received a bag with some free samples. In it, I found a bag with a bunch of strange plastic dishes in it. Much to my disappointment, they were not ten cat dishes for all the cat ladies in attendance.
Turns out it was a fit kit for Jockey-brand bras. The idea is great. You put the cup over your breast and figure out which of the ten cups is a perfect fit for you. Only there's one problem.
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| Ten beautiful cups all in a row! Which one will fit you, Cinderella? |
Of the ten cups provided, even the smallest one, the humble #1-sized cup, is actually pretty large when you hold it up to a small-framed 5'10" lady like myself. See for yourself:
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| This is me, holding the smallest cup. Houston: We have a problem. |
I swear to the titty gods that I'm not a completely flat-chested Sally. I usually wear an A or B cup, depending on my weight, my salt-intake and whether or not I'm ovulating. (RAWR.) I'm also not the teeniest tiniest person, either. I'm 5'10" (as I mentioned earlier) and clearly not a size 0 or a size 2. Okay, I might be a size 4 but I am not a freakishly tiny gnome-person is all I'm trying to say.
Meanwhile, the largest cup, the #10, is big enough to fit my big head. Are there really so many more #10s in the world than #-1s or #-2s? And what about the 11s, 12s and 13s of the world? I've never had a problem finding a bra that fit. I don't shop at Victoria's Secret because their bras are terrible and cone-shaped, but Nordstrom has no problem getting me into something that fits perfectly. And it's not a AA or a AAA or a My First Bra®.
So thanks but no thanks, Jockey. I'll stick with my lady fitters at the department store and skip the fit kit. Because apparently ten sizes do not fit all.
AND THANKS FOR GIVING ME A COMPLEX ABOUT MY SMALL BOOBS.
GEEZ, JOCKEY. IT'S LIKE MIDDLE SCHOOL ALL OVER AGAIN.
Have you read that Epbot post about bra fitting? Cause I thought I was an A too. Then I did the 'lean over and measure' thing, and woooo gravity!
ReplyDeleteNow I'm all weirdly obsessed with bra sizing. There are bra blogs! And a bra reddit! And forums! And all of these revelations about bra sizing give me a great excuse to go out and buy new lingerie. So, win.
I saw one that was on YouTube that was really excellent. Gravity really doesn't do much for me. At least not in a way that helps. Ha.
DeleteLooks very beautiful.
Deletehttp://www.elegantweddinginvites.com
I realized one drunken night that my bra cup is bigger than my face. It was traumatizing.
ReplyDeleteOne person's trauma is another person's dream.
DeleteRIGHT?!
DeleteAlso. I feel like I'm getting double gyped being tiny and saggy. It's like wrinkles and zits; you're supposed to have one or the other, not BOTH.
Yes, Nordstrom has great bra fitters. That kit must be for people nowhere near a Nordstrom.
ReplyDeleteI would guess there are more people below a size 1 and above a size 10 than there are within 1-10. My size is 38JJ and I don't have to mail order a bra or carry them in a hoverround but I guarantee they won't fit in a size 10.
Good point. I didn't think of the fact that there are probably outliers on both ends of the spectrum.
DeleteI guess "Ten sizes fits all" is not true.
When I first saw the photo, I thought it was a display at the conference, but no! Those are all yours, baby! I think you could sell them on black market. I hear fake bewbies go for a lot of money these days.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I wonder how many others are non-networking people sitting in their rooms. That's totally what I do. Sometimes, it's just nice to sit in a happy room and watch Headline News all day while drinking Diet Coke from a machine down the hall.
They are empty shells of fake boobs. If they were chicken cutlets I would hoard them all to myself!
DeleteDear God. My best friend and I were out shopping yesterday (I'm spending money and eating feelings because I'M NOT THERE WITH YOU!) and on a whim, we decided to get bra fittings.
ReplyDelete38 DDD. Yeah. Three D's. Yes I'll be writing about it.
Hope you are having a blast, and please keep posting pics and posts. So excited for you tonight!
I love how everyone is shocked at how BIG THEIR BREASTS ARE.
DeleteSigh.
I'm kidding. I'm sure it's shocking to find oneself on either end of the extremes.
I'll say an extra little "WHOOOOOOOO!" for you at VOTY!
I am going to my first blog conference in September and I'm a little bit terrified. Also, what are you going to do with these fit kit dishes? Is there some kind of craft you could use them for? Can they be used to feed cats? Promise me you will Pinterest it.
ReplyDeletexx
I wish I were crafty. Maybe I could bedazzle them and sell them as fascinators?
DeleteGive them to the kids and let their imaginations run wild...
Delete
ReplyDeleteHope you're enjoying our March-in-July weather, Mandy. Chillin' in Chicago.
I bear no responsibility whatsoever.
It's actually quite enjoyable. Not too hot! Perfect for walking!
DeleteI remember my first time venturing into Vicky's with my teeny little A cups. That store is just not meant for members of the IBTC's. (Itty Bitty Titty Committee)
ReplyDeleteI hope you're having a blast!
I swear Victoria's Secret sells Madonna-esque cone bras.
DeleteWhat kinda world is this. Judging from my inability to buy clothes, you, Miss 5' 10", are the person all the designers are making their clothes for. I know they don't have in view a 5'3" "fair, fat, and forty" like me ... You have the figure I've always wanted. Yet ... you, too, are threatened by an inferiority complex.
ReplyDeleteI guess the designers are making clothes for a sort of Bride of Frankenstein made of cut-up body parts.
I think an Inferiority Complex comes in all sizes.
Delete;-)
This makes me wonder what a BlogHim would be like? Would they give us bags with various sized plastic cups to help us choose a better pair of underwear? Or maybe make sure we're wearing the right sized athletic cup? I suppose it doesn't matter since there's no such thing as a BlogHim, but I'll always wonder.
ReplyDeleteI recently had a fitting experience that shows I'm at both ends of the spectrum. I went to get an updated sport coat and decided to get a new suit while I was at it. So, in suit fitting, they fit you for the jacket. Fair enough, I'm a 50 long in jacket speak(Big and Tall). Well, whatever table they use to match a suit coat with the pants was developed when most men were shaped like W.C. Fields and Winston Churchill and hasn't been updated since. The pants that came with the suit had a 46" waist on them! (there are a lot of guys out there that don't have a 46" chest) When I went for the fitting, I thought the poor little tailor was going to hyperventilate and then he throws his hands in the air and declares "re-cut!" This is basically tearing the pants apart at the seams and making a new pair, because you can't take 10" out of a garment and have it resemble anything near the original. This also takes a lot of time to re-engineer the pants and so on. Now the wife has strict orders not to let me buy a suit again.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you might need to get a suit made for you!
DeleteSo sad I couldn't go to Blogher this year but I can't wait to hear where next year's is! Boobs really frustrate the hell out of me. It'd be one thing if bra manufacturers were consistent size-wise, but they're just not. And I'm not going back in for one of those demeaning fittings where my boobs swing around freestyle and some 20 year old "consultant" pretends it ain't no thang. Is this a locker room or a Nordstrom, sheezus.
ReplyDeleteAt one point I had four different sizes of bras, thanks to pregnancy, nursing and then post-breastfeeding shrinkage. SIGH.
DeleteI'm pretty sure that my first little cotton bra in 7th grade was a Jockey bra from JC Penney. Two triangles of fabric with some elastic attaching them. It seems Jockey once catered to teeny boobs. How sad that times have changed. I think 7th grade may have also been the year that my best friend and I grabbed a giant bra somewhere and put our heads in each cup and walked over to her mom in the store... Maybe your measuring cups could dual as yarmulkes.
ReplyDeleteOh, to have a picture of you and your friend in the bra hat!
DeleteAnd what about the #13, indeed! fa;laz.,v,m.,..........
ReplyDelete*heaves bosom off of keyboard*
Sorry about that.
You may have itty bitty titties, but they're polite and probably perky and lovely. Us unfortunate DDD souls dream about polite tits. The conclusion here escapes me, because I think I just complimented your boobs and there's really no going back now.
They are polite albeit not very obliging when it comes to filling up tops and dresses. Quite inconsiderate really.
Deletehahaha...This is pretty cool gifts for you woman, just feel like other woman feel after using these cups.
ReplyDelete